I feel a strange sense of being complete at the moment, what does that mean I hear you say? Good question, I guess it means I am at peace with myself, in integrity with myself, honouring myself and not in a way which is all about me or not in a way which is self absorbed.
I was struggeling for a while about how I could find closure around something and I realised that, I found closure when I opened my heart up, when my heart is open I can see more clearly how important it is to me to be in integrity with myself. What is important is to be in a healthy, loving relationship with myself - from this place the world is a much safer, fun place.
What is it to be complete? It is to have a feeling of lightness, of wholeness, of trust and of knowing. It is a calm place where things happen because they are meant to, where life is fun and alive and the world is just looking down upon you, just waiting for you to notice the sign that it has sent, where the universe is flirting with you and all you need to do is to be awake long enough to notice what is going on. To be complete is to be in sync or in rythum with the natural cycle of the world.
I feel like I have let go of something I have been holding on to for a very long time.... I can't quite put my finger on what it is exactly and yet it feels like something big. When I first started my leadership training I realised that I had been living my whole life through a fear of rejection - everything I did, every waking moment, every action and reaction was driven by a fear of being rejected. If I do this will I get rejected, if I do that I won't get rejected, my God I wasted so much time and energy worrying about whether other people were going to reject me or not.
And so it unfolds again for me. So, this feeling is one of acceptance, one of inner knowing and trust in myself that I don't need (not want, don't need) external reassurance to know that I am complete, I don't have to have the approval of others or the presence of others in order to know that I am OK and in fact better than OK....
It is being at peace with myself and the world, that is what this feeling is....
Yum, this is a nice place I'm staying here for a while....
