What behaviours do those beliefs create in us and others.......

If our beliefs are our 'operating system' then they drive our behaviours, they are the external expression of our internal assumptions.... so if the antidote to Protecting is Authenticity (and self and systems awareness - more to come later on those). Then what behaviour do those internal feelings of self-worth, strong self-esteem, personal integrity and personal power create.

The behaviours associated with Authenticity beliefs are

Being trusted by others, Having high personal integrity,

Directly addressing issues that get in the way of relationships or team performance

Speaking directly to the issues without smoothing them over

Acting courageously in personal interactions and meetings

Being able to respect someone else's opinion even if you disagree with it

Staying open and honest about what you think and feel

Managing conflict directly and authentically

Being willing to bring up and talk about issues that others are reluctant to talk about

Confronting people, including superiors, when needed

Being counted on to meet your commitments

Exhibiting personal behaviour consistent with your values

Taking responsibility for your part in relationship and other problems

Speaking openly in the presence of 'authorities'

Living by an effective set of core values

Holding on to your values during good and bad times

Living your vision in every encounter even when that requires risk.

So, you live your life Authentically, give real feedback, have real conversations and you admit your mistakes. You put yourself at risk for what you believe and value openness over popularity. Integrity and authenticity are what people trust the most. It is the source of your power!

Now have think about how familiar these behaviours are and which beliefs they come from ... and notice they are not just what we expect of ourselves, this is who other people know us to be!

We are digging in to the Leadership Circle Profiling tool here and the Adult stages of development. There is a certification programme for TLC in London on 22nd Nov if you are curious and want to get certified in this material. Of course the way to get certified is to get your own profile completed and see how you perceive yourself and what the gap is in between that and how others perceive you. Give me a shout if you are interested in either having your own profile done or attending the certification in London.

During Certification you use your own profile to learn how to interpret the profile of others! It is very powerful work.

Thanks for reading....

What is the antidote.....

Internal assumptions are the beliefs you use to organise your identity... and the antidote to protecting behaviour is Authenticity. Some internal assumptions associated with Authenticity include...

I am worthy whether people approve of me or not, whether I succeed or not

Self worth, freedom, and security are in my own hands

My greatest source of power is my personal integrity (being true to myself)

It is more important to me to remain true to myself than to live up to others expectations

I am OK, even if I make mistakes or hurt other peoples feelings

I authentically admit my part in the problems we face

The only way I lose face is by not being true to my Vision and Values

Change starts with me, I must be the change I want to see in the world....

More on the behaviours these beliefs create at a later date....

Where do you 'come' from.......

So, depending on where I come from (or who I am being) the 'doing' will have a different meaning.

Am I going to the gym because I want to keep my body fit and healthy and honour my value of longevity? Or am I going to the gym because I 'have to!’

Am I hiring a coach because I want to the personal growth, or am I hiring a coach because it says I have to have one during my leadership programme? So I am fulfilling the requirements and 'ticking the boxes'.

Can you feel the difference in the 'come from’? One comes from an external place, so that this or that does or doesn't happen to me, or so that this or that person gets what they want. The other comes from a place of being connected to oneself and ones values....

The place you come from ‘infects’ the thing you are doing with the attitude you have in your approach to it. Where do you have an approach or an attitude that empowers and supports the things that you choose to do? Also, think about where you have an attitude or approach that dis-empowers the things you choose to do.

A very wise person once said to me that people typically show up in one of two ways, as a victim of circumstance or as someone who treats whatever happens to them as an opportunity to learn and grow… which type of person are you? Which type do you want to be?

As I write this I am reminded of the book ‘power and love’ by Adam Kahne and the distinction that he makes between ‘generative’ and ‘degenerative’ Power and Love….

I know that is a bit of a left turn for some of you, or maybe not. The point being that Generative Power and Love are the way to create real change in the world. What I mean by generative is to give power to, to empower people. To treat them as naturally creative, resourceful and whole, knowing that nothing is broken and nothing needs fixing.

I believe that we have Generative or Degenerative attitudes to things and to people and that depending on our attitude we may or may not have the impact we desire.

How do we step out of those degenerative positions and step into generative beings, who know we are loved and who know we are good enough. Who understand that we are loved and respected and that is true all of the time, not just some of the time. People don’t get upset with each other because of what they believe; people get upset because of a behaviour or lack of behaviour. Because we either do or don’t do something that someone was expecting.

How do we stop running away from people, how do we stay engaged, even and more importantly when the going gets tough? Staying engaged in a generative way and saying in dialogue and holding on to the fact that people don’t get upset with us as people, they just get upset at the way we behave. It’s really important to remember this in all of the systems we work in or are part of. Why? Well because we all make mistakes and if we can’t stay engaged life will become isolated and lonely.

Where do you stay and where do you run away?

What is it all about really......

What I am processing right now is the fact that I am noticing, for me personally and for the lots of the other people in my life, what makes all the difference in the actions we take is 'where is the action coming from'. So, going back to the complying, controlling and protecting reactive strategies I talked about previously, they 'pretty much' all come from a place of 'not being enough'....

So, think about that, 'where are you coming from in the actions you take?'

Also I notice that actions that come from the place of not being enough are usually about coping with the circumstances of now, explaining and justifying how we got to where we are and why it's important to dwell on the past and coping with now. Usually, there seems to be 'struggle' that is going on when this happens. God do I remember how much energy I used to use up trying to change 'what is'. So what if we decide to let go of judgement around 'what is' and just let it be.
Can you feel the freedom of 'it is, what it is'.

I good friend of mine reminded me of the Serenity Prayer yesterday, not just the first couple of sentences, more importantly the lesser known second part of the prayer, here's a reminder for those of you who are unfamiliar with it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

What if we just accepted that way of being. How would your world look, feel, be different?

I am personally going to 'chew' on that for a while. I guess my initial impression is, how do I do this when those around me aren't, can't or don't know how.... Anyway, as usual I will start with myself. Here's the place I am looking, Oh! this is brilliant, where do I come from when I see these former behaviours in others, do I just allow them to process it for themselves or do I jump in and try to fix it for them?