Thursday, 24 September 2009

Feeling Whole.....

It's funny, I know I am still waiting and yet I know now, that I am waiting for myself to process all of the Summers events, the breakup, the fitness boot camp, the acting classes the singing lessons - the huge lesson around knowing that I have to be in the moment and present to me, before I can be present and of service to others, to openning my heart fully to others and being available to be loved.... and its huge and I am still processing it all.

Whats great is that I feel great in my body at the moment, I feel so grounded and connected to myself and to those around me. Yet, I know I am processing, except - wait for it, there is something different this time. My body is processing and I am waiting for my brain to catch up - something significant shifted within me this summer and there is a wisdom in my body (that's the solid pole straight through my torso) which is a huge strength within me and I am letting go of trying to work out what is going on.

Oh my God, it just came to me, my body is waiting for my brain to acknowledge the huge journey I have been on - the huge personal development, the risks I've have taken, in my Job, in my relationships, with my family, with my heart. The fact I have let go of judgement and have been operating in this place for years now.... my body and my emotions are waiting for me to take a break to relax and to appreciate what I have, now, here in this moment.

Its funny because the only words that come to me are that I feel whole again, not that I was not whole before and not that I was broken before - I just feel like the journey I have been on has come full circle, 360 degrees, and, that the part that makes me feel complete is stretching my body to achieve physical achievements that I haven't done in years, finding Dance again and including that in my life has been soooooooooo fulfilling for me, it is so much a part of who I am and yet for years, I had excluded it from my life.

Hmmm, Wow, I love the way this blog serves me, I always learn when I put fingers to keyboard, some times more than others and what's fulfulling about blogging, is that I hear from some of the people that read my blog that I have inspired them into action, or helped them to understand themselves more and even just helped them to be open to processing emotions that previously they had been denying or blaming others for! Amen to whoever invented blogging.

Amen to getting so low that I knew I had to change something in my life, Amen to the journey I made the choice to take, Amen to not being attached to the outcome, Amen to being completely present to the journey, Amen to not waiting for others to create the circumstances I want in my life. Amen to falling out with friends in order to create a better understanding between us, Amen to deeper relationships, Amen to meaningful conversations, Amen to being able to treat everything as a learning opportunity.

Amen, to fun, laughter, singing and dancing, and one last Amen to physical, emotional and logical integration.

For now, I am complete....

Its me again, I had to add this bit. So, I went to a new choir last night, it was lovely we sang songs and had fun and generally do what all us human being were meant to do which is be in community with each other. Then we got to the end of the session and all the lights were turned off and the teacher lit a candle in the centre of the room, she then began to sing.... wait for it
AAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN - I couldn't believe my ears, call it coincidence or synchronicity (I'm going for the latter) yet it was like the whole choir were repeating the Amens I had written in this blog earlier yesterday. I was moved, the hair all over my body was standing on end - it was like a reinforcement of my discovery and a celebration of my journey. I am blessed - thank you!