Sunday, 31 January 2010

What is it to lead from the inside out.....

I know there is juice in this inquiry even before I start to type....

I chose this inquiry because I realise that this is a very important subject for me, its about how I live my life and how I model the work that I do in the real world. In the last blog I felt as if I was being led from the outside in and when I processed that feeling (with my Coach) I described it as feeling like someone had a hold of the bottom of my stomach and was trying to turn me inside out! It was painful and it hurt, lots!

We are so much creatures of habit, I can't tell you and the more I do this work the more I realise that I am my very best example of humanity to practise this material on, my god, the learning never stops, its a good job that learning is a value of mine, right!

So, What is it to lead from the inside out.... well it is to ask for what you want and stick around long enough to see if you have to negotiate.... that's one thing that it is, its also about not be attached to specific outcomes...... it's about being open enough to know that whatever shows up, you can work with, in whatever form. So, what comes to me is that its about trust, trust in myself as an individual and as a human being, with flaws and all that comes with those flaws, its about trusting me in all the roles I perform, as a Daughter, a Sister, a Lover, a Coach, a Trainer, a Student, a Client and a Woman whatever role I am in, I know that I can rely on me.

A very good friend and respected leader once said to me, you know I look at life like this.
We are given a body, some time and the ability to choose - what we create from those three things basically defines the life we live! Think about that, It doesn't get more simple than that... some time, a body and the ability to choose!

So, what are you doing and how are you being - with your time, your body and your ability to choose?

What I am doing is, travelling, having fun, engaging in work that I am passionate about and staying focused on the impact I want to have on my world. How am I being along the way? I am being engaging, passionate, relaxed, courageous, funny, gentle, kind, bold and loving. Sometimes grumpy, sad and always authentic!

To lead from the inside out, is to be conscious and aware of what is going on outside of me, to see how the people and organisations around me are operating and to be conscious enough to know whatever they throw at me, I can create learning from it.... I can stay on course and keep a hold of myself on the inside, no matter what is happening on the outside. I can choose not to be derailed, just because something or someone on the outside of me has done something I don't like, or created some circumstances that I was not expecting....

To lead from the inside is to let go of, 'Just in case' or 'what if' and wasting energy focusing on things which have not happened yet, far better to be in the moment, enjoying that moment rather than spending time and energy on things that may or may not happen in the future. Don't get me wrong there are some things that we can predict, Death, old age, taxes, so yes have some strategies to cope with or prepare for these... The other stuff that your Gremlin makes up, let go of that, free yourself of the baggage and energy that it takes from you!

So, for me, to lead from the Inside out is to be clear about what is important to me, to honour my values, it is to take myself over my emotional edges (have the hard conversation, ask for what I want and ask others for what they want) even if it makes me feel uncomfortable, for the sake of being authentic and feeling the aliveness that I feel when I fully engage with my world, with myself, the people around me and my everyday interactions. For me it is to be in conscious powerful life giving choice!

I am blessed to have found the work I do, I thank God that my path was pointed in this direction and I am so proud of myself, that I have taken so many risks in order to find this aliveness in my life!

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Staying and leaving space......

You know it is bizzar I have been doing this work for years and I only just realised that I have a massive Gremlin around one of my relationships, it is constantly nagging at me, what about this and what about that and what if this and what if that... oh my God it's driving me nuts and what does it feed on - you'll love this - it feeds on the fact that I have always got what I wanted in my life - blessed I am indeed, I know, and I don't mean that in an arrogant way - it is true however, that whenever I put my mind to something I usually get it...

So, what happens when I don't get what I want, well if there is only me to contend with I will usually find a way, for example, when I wanted to buy more holiday from work the other year and I was unable to, I just decided OK then we'll I'll reduce my working week to 4 days and that will mean I can have what I want.

I have to say I am feeling quite exposed as I write this and I am going to continue writing it anyway because I know there is learning here for me! My challange is to stay engaged and present and give him the space he needs whilst knowing he loves me and at the moment we can't be together as much as we'd like to be.

I love space, emotionally and physically and yet I find it hard to 'let go' and just be with the fact that we love each other but can't be to together at the moment. I have to say as I write this I am feeling physically sick and that is unusual for me, very few things have that physical and emotional impact on my body these days.... what is it? I wonder..

My Gremlin is feeding off something here and I just can't quite put my finger on it. It is something about all or nothing, this has been a huge issue in my life and slowly but surely I have worked my way through it, at home and at work and in my friendships and other relationships and yet somehow with this one person the pattern still shows up.

That's what it is, it's the paradox of staying engaged and leaving space all at the same time. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! That's it, I don't know how to stay in this relationship and have all the space and time I need or want. It's like I have made up a rule that if you are in a relationship it has to be 'on' all the time, in fact he used to say to me, why does it have to be all or nothing.... and I used to laugh to myself and dismiss it but its true, that is what is going on for me, and because its more 'off' than 'on' I am having trouble in coping with being in a relationship and not be in each others pockets - this is great!

I say all the time, 'Oh God, I can't imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship that was 24x7 it would kill me!' And yet deep down I don't know how to do anything else - this must be a deeply held belief of mine and its something like - if your in a relationship then you have to be together more than you are alone, or something like that! This make so much sense to me now, I am working on the Adult Stages of Development and reading 'Immunity to Change' by Robert Keegan as well as reading all 'The Leadership Circle' material that I have just been certified in... its amazing work and it talks a lot about having a goal and then behaving in a way which does not support the goal that you want to achieve..... which is exactly what is going on for me here... There is more work to do on this one I know and what a great realisation!