Saturday, 23 October 2010

Pushing the boundaries.....

Where are your boundaries..... and what is their purpose? Are they there to protect you? Or are they there to keep you playing small. What is your hearts desire? What stops you from reaching out and creating that world? You can do it, we all can, once we have that Vision, that purpose in life, and the passion and energy to make it happen. We can create anything we want.

Four or five years ago I had a vision of what I wanted my life to be like. (Bye the way, writing this blog today is one way that I am using to stay present to what I have created. It's hard for me to Stay present to it and not to create the next vision or plan or just move on quickly).

I didn't cross the t's or dot the i's and I did know the flavour of what I wanted. How many days I wanted to work, the kind of work I wanted to do, the impact I wanted to have etc. So, I set off on my Journey, one step at a time. When people put obstacles in the way, sometimes I fought with them, some times I surrendered, some times I bypassed them. The one thing I always did was keep hold of the vision of what I was trying to create and the impact I was trying to have!

I worked with Mentors and Coaches, I learned about me, I stretched myself and I surprised myself too. Here is the biggest surprise of all - the more I stretched myself, the more of me I found - that was and still is a bit of a shock to me. I stretched myself in many ways, physically, emotionally and logically. I took Acting and Singing lessons, I went to a couple of fitness boot camps, I learned that I liked taking risks, at work and at home and that I enjoy the energy that it creates in me.

I asked for what I wanted and stayed around long enough to see if I had to negotiate... and I got really clear with myself about what I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of creating the impact I wanted to have..... I remember, just before going to call on the GM of my company to ask for his support, one of my mentors asked me 'Will you still have a job if the GM doesn't support you?' and I replied 'Yes, I will still have a job - the question I will have to ask myself is, do I still want to do it'.... my reply was immediate, I didn't have to think about it and it came from a grounded place. I was not being arrogant, although I understand it could have come across that way.

I asked the Man I loved to leave his wife and kids to create the relationship we said we wanted. I gave him the space to think about it, knowing that we had been having an affair for many years and that was no longer enough for me. He said that he couldn't leave them and so I understood. I cried (a lot) and I walked away for the final time, knowing that loving him was not enough for me to be fulfilled. Also knowing that if I had stayed I would be selling out on myself.

Have a met the man of my dreams, no not yet! And what I do know is that there is space in my life and in my heart for him when he is ready to show up and show up he will, and soon!

I am pleased I found a way to write this blog that feels like it comes from a humble place, when I came back to a draft of this that I started earlier, I didn't like what I had written, it sounded like it was all about Ego and that is not the intent of this. My intent as I write this is to inspire you to have a Vision or a dream of how you want your life to be and then set out on your journey of discovery and start creating it, one step at the time!

Oh and bye the way, I find it hard to distinguish between fear and excitement these days!
How cool is that!