when I am open and available it means I can ask for what I want (coming from a place of good intention and not to be collapsed with ego) and leave room for a yes, no or a counter offer. Somehow, all the stress is removed from the situation and it feels easy and spacious.
I may or may not get what I want, that isn't the point, the point is that I have the courage to ask for it and, if I do get a NO in response to my request - then all I have to do is ask myself, 'so if I can't have that, is there any point in holding on to it?' or should I rethink and go for something I can have which will enable me to create the same impact in my life?' I know this sounds simple, and it is, it is very very simple and yet profound all at the same time. Imagine asking for what you want and at the same time, no being attached to getting it! Now, that's a paradox if I ever heard one.
What is funny to me about this is that I have been around this loop many, many times. At first my requests were, silly little things, almost cheeky and playful and I wasn't attached because to be honest the things I was asking for were not 'that' important to me. What I have noticed is that, as time has passed, the things I ask for have got bigger and more important to me and therefore the risks have got bigger too.
Now, what I have to say at this point is true and it sounds like ego, and it is not. So, this is all coming from a Woman who usually gets what she wants... its true, all my life, I have, pretty much got what I wanted. So, maybe I just made sure that I wanted things I could have - who knows - that is something I will get curious about. Back to asking for what I want... and taking risks, I realise now that the risk I am taking is the risk of rejection, being told no, we don't want you!
This is huge for me, and the reason, well the reason is that I have spent most of my life, living it in a way that meant I didn't get rejected.... as rejection was my biggest fear. It seems so simple now to say, once I stopped rejecting myself I lost my fear of being rejected by others... once I stopped rejecting myself I lost my fear of being rejected by others... that deserves a minutes silence.
Having finished my minutes silence I have to say that it has taken a lot of work, a lot of inner soul searching and a lot of experiential learning on my part to get to this place. I also notice the only part of my life that isn't the way I would like it is my relationship (or lack of one). So, is that the place for me to look next, is that the place to risk being rejected in order to have the loving, parthership I want with a man. It feels a little scarey to me, so that is definately the place to look! I know, sad isn't it, that when its scarey, I know there is 'juice' there for me.
OK, so that's the place for me to put my energy into moving forwards. Letting go of old relationships that no longer serve my needs or allow me to honour my values and stepping into new relationships to create the loving partnership I want.
Horray for me! Where ever you are Mr Right I'm coming to get you. Hold on to your hats!
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