I remember reading this book many years ago (Robert Fritz) and clearly understanding the metaphor at least at an intellectual level. It goes like this, imagine a dry river bed, when it starts to rain the water naturally just runs into the groove in the land that has already been established over years of water flowing through it. Simple right and easy to understand?
So, how does that relate to us and human beings, easy again, we need to understand all our paths of least resistance, what are the grooves (neural pathways) that have been created within us that we will default to when it starts to rain? Not right or wrong that it happens, just important to be aware of them so that you can take responsibility for the impact it will have on your relationships, both professional and personal.
Also, it's good to recognise that whatever happens in any relationship, it is created by both of you. Once you get into blame, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling (ignoring and disconnecting) then you are in the land of the relationship toxins and it is not a pleasant land to be in. I know myself that I can't bear to be shouted at, being in the gym by any class instructor (I actively avoid those teachers), I hired my Personal Trainer and designed that with him up front, I do not respond to being shouted at. This is also true for that matter of any of my other relationships. It takes me back to a time when I was young which clearly is an experience that I do not want to relive, and so I avoid it. Don't get me wrong I can be with conflict just not criticism, blame and the feeling of being attacked.
I used to go to a place of defensiveness and still go to stonewalling, I'm working hard on the defensiveness, I'm trying not to justify my position or go into who did what to whom. In the knowledge that although I have clearly had an unintended impact on the other person I know it was not intentional. So, I take responsibility for it and apologise. The stonewalling is more difficult for me, so what I'm learning at this stage is to eventually ask for what I want. For example if you try not to attack me, I will try not to go away... It is a (or should I say I am a) work in progress, as we all are!
Where have you experienced your path of least resistance over the holidays?
What behaviours take you into the land of relationship toxins?
Where do you need to take responsibility for an impact you had that was not intended, either personally or professionally?
Communication is key and not easy to do, once the toxins are present!
The other key is not to judge yourself just learn from it, in the hope that the more you learn, the less likely you are to repeat the pattern.... The truth is also that if you want to break an old pattern (which is true in my case) then you might have to go into toxin land at least for a while in order to create a more healthy relationship moving forwards.
More to come on this as I explore other relationships and more of my own paths of least resistance!
Enjoy being curious about your paths!
Happy New Year from Australia!
Rx
Monday 4 January 2016
Wednesday 29 April 2015
The Evolution of Humans, Society and Organisations is here ... are you ready?
What is so important about our evolution is that it is happening much more quickly than ever before. When I think about the time I undertook my coach training program, it was over 10 years ago now and I was one of very few 'Corporate' people who were even thinking about, Coaching, not only as a profession but more importantly the impact that Coaching skills could have on the relationships in our Work and personal lives.
This weekend was another classic example to me of how the Coaching profession has evolved. Back in the early days we used to get 'enlightened' individuals or people 'in between' professions. This weekend however I led a Fast Track Coach training course for CTI in London, it was full of professional people who wanted to combine the skills and ways of being Coach-like into their professions for the sake of creating a more human, humble, productive and profitable work environment. We had Dentists, Doctors, a Pilot and many other professions. People at the 'top of their game', professionally and who were hungry to have more experience in this kind of work.
The experience of this weekend in itself is an evolution and after reading the book Reinventing Organisations by Fredrick Laloux http://www.reinventingorganizations.com/
it got me thinking about the evolution of society, the introduction of the internet and the move from Centralised Mainframe computers to completely distributed systems and then back to cloud, distributed authority with an agreed governance... and this is how organisations are moving. When you combine this evolution with the evolution of human beings from Generations X (mainframe), Generation Y (distributed) to Generation Z (distributed authority) it all starts to make sense.
Looking at Rodgers Adoption (posted above) and innovation curve put it all
into perspective for me, in every part of society there are Innovators, Early
adopters, Early Majority and so on.
Where are you on the scale of growth and innovation in your own work and
life? As an employer, an employee, someone who works as a Coach, Leadership
Trainer or in Organisational change we all need to be paying attention to our
own evolution and the evolution of those around us. (see my last linkedin post
on Generation Z if you want to see what kind of socially intelligent, flexible,
emotionally aware people are about to join the workforce).
So, I am pointing you to check in with yourself, your
organisation and your friends and family.
What are these new changes? How will they impact you? If all else fails
order and read the book. These are exciting times and you owe it to yourself to be ready for the changes ahead.... Enjoy Rx
Friday 21 November 2014
The Discipline of Leadership....
In this blog I'm going to start to explain the context behind the Discipline of Leadership.
So, firstly Leadership is about a state of mind, a way of being.
Secondly, it is about being Heart centred and people orientated.
Thirdly, it's about taking action that holds people with respect and in high positive regard.
In this day and age when technology is critically important, it is also a commodity - yes, a commodity!
What is important is how we deploy the technology in order to maximise our return on investment.
Lets us not forget that, it is the people who deploy the technology, so it goes hand in hand to say, if we are going to invest in technology we have a responsibility to invest in the people who deploy it.
We must as Leaders invest in and grow the human capital within our Organisations be them, small or large businesses, whatever industry and whatever level of person. We, as Leaders, have to nurture and grow our people no matter how high or low their position within the company. We also have a responsibility to invest in our own growth and development too.
The basic principle of the Discipline of Leadership is that, it is, a people centred model that embraces paradox.
Firstly, we have to welcome creativity and innovation, including breakthrough thinking, whilst also having the structures and practises in place that enable our inventions and developments to become sustainable and have longevity. Too much innovation and nothing actually becomes usable and too much process and structure and there is no room for creativity and innovation.
The second Discipline is to take the time to be still and present to our employees and the market so that we can be curious about what is happening in the system. Whilst at the same time being aware of the natural cycles of life both in terms of people and business, this includes being tuned into the inter-relatedness and timing that effects the cycle of growth in people and business and how inter-related each of the cycles are both independently and collectively.
The third Discipline of Leadership is to balance the being and the doing of Leadership. Who you are being and how you are showing up, all has a huge impact on the actions you take and the decisions you make. You have to have the capacity to respond when faced with conflict, diverse views and when challenged, after all, this is what creates deep understanding, more meaningful relationships and more creative solutions to issues. We have to be able to separate personal from business in order not to be reactive and lash out at people. We have to know ourselves and have done enough personal development work to be calm and present in the face of challenges. All of this is in order to be present and to have the capacity to respond as well as to discern what the right action is.
The forth Discipline of Leadership is to know who you are and what you stand for. To know what your purpose is and to feel like you are working and living 'on purpose'. Once you know who you are and what your purpose is, not only do you trust yourself to take the right action, we also have the energy and passion to take risks, we give ourselves permission to play big and to be willing to challenge the 'status quo'. For the sake of having a bigger impact in the world. Whist at the same time inspiring and motivating those around you to do the same.
We hold that the Four Disciplines of Leadership create a paradigm shift that creates exciting changes in the world, it inspires people and motivates them into action, whilst also taking time to care for and grow the individual for the sake of what we can collectively create together.
More to come on the Discipline of Leadership in Future Blogs, this is just a starter for 10.
How does your Leadership measure up?
Where is your growing Leadership edge?
Are you having the impact you know you can?
Are you playing to win and taking risks?
Thanks for reading and giving me the inspiration to keep writing. Rx
So, firstly Leadership is about a state of mind, a way of being.
Secondly, it is about being Heart centred and people orientated.
Thirdly, it's about taking action that holds people with respect and in high positive regard.
In this day and age when technology is critically important, it is also a commodity - yes, a commodity!
What is important is how we deploy the technology in order to maximise our return on investment.
Lets us not forget that, it is the people who deploy the technology, so it goes hand in hand to say, if we are going to invest in technology we have a responsibility to invest in the people who deploy it.
We must as Leaders invest in and grow the human capital within our Organisations be them, small or large businesses, whatever industry and whatever level of person. We, as Leaders, have to nurture and grow our people no matter how high or low their position within the company. We also have a responsibility to invest in our own growth and development too.
The basic principle of the Discipline of Leadership is that, it is, a people centred model that embraces paradox.
Firstly, we have to welcome creativity and innovation, including breakthrough thinking, whilst also having the structures and practises in place that enable our inventions and developments to become sustainable and have longevity. Too much innovation and nothing actually becomes usable and too much process and structure and there is no room for creativity and innovation.
The second Discipline is to take the time to be still and present to our employees and the market so that we can be curious about what is happening in the system. Whilst at the same time being aware of the natural cycles of life both in terms of people and business, this includes being tuned into the inter-relatedness and timing that effects the cycle of growth in people and business and how inter-related each of the cycles are both independently and collectively.
The third Discipline of Leadership is to balance the being and the doing of Leadership. Who you are being and how you are showing up, all has a huge impact on the actions you take and the decisions you make. You have to have the capacity to respond when faced with conflict, diverse views and when challenged, after all, this is what creates deep understanding, more meaningful relationships and more creative solutions to issues. We have to be able to separate personal from business in order not to be reactive and lash out at people. We have to know ourselves and have done enough personal development work to be calm and present in the face of challenges. All of this is in order to be present and to have the capacity to respond as well as to discern what the right action is.
The forth Discipline of Leadership is to know who you are and what you stand for. To know what your purpose is and to feel like you are working and living 'on purpose'. Once you know who you are and what your purpose is, not only do you trust yourself to take the right action, we also have the energy and passion to take risks, we give ourselves permission to play big and to be willing to challenge the 'status quo'. For the sake of having a bigger impact in the world. Whist at the same time inspiring and motivating those around you to do the same.
We hold that the Four Disciplines of Leadership create a paradigm shift that creates exciting changes in the world, it inspires people and motivates them into action, whilst also taking time to care for and grow the individual for the sake of what we can collectively create together.
More to come on the Discipline of Leadership in Future Blogs, this is just a starter for 10.
How does your Leadership measure up?
Where is your growing Leadership edge?
Are you having the impact you know you can?
Are you playing to win and taking risks?
Thanks for reading and giving me the inspiration to keep writing. Rx
Thursday 19 June 2014
What is it to expand your range and why does it matter?
In Leadership training and Coaching we talk a lot about expanding our range. In this blog I'm going to explore, what's important about that? what does it give us? and why does it matter?
How big is your range as a human being?
How do you measure it?
You might of heard of the Johari Window, this is a simple model to think of how to expand your range. See below.....
The Johari Window model is a four quadrant grid that looks like this
Each
of
these quadrants would contain personal information about you. The
smaller the unknown quadrant, the higher your level of personal
awareness.
The Johari Window model is a four quadrant grid that looks like this
Each
of
these quadrants would contain personal information about you. The
smaller the unknown quadrant, the higher your level of personal
awareness.
So as an explanation we will start with the simple top left hand section first. The known to self and others. The more you ask for feedback (or feed forward as I like to call it). Questions like where do I excel and what could I do to have more impact? the more you will expand the pane that is unknown to self. The second way to expand that section is to disclose more of 'who you are' to others, and you can do that by being more vulnerable or just knowing and living by your Values. Energetically, you will evoke the field around you and it will be clear to people 'who you are' and 'what you stand for'. I've talked before in my blogs about having conscious intentional impact and this would be a place to check in with people. This is what I intended, am I having this impact?
So, what does all of this have to do with range?
I'm coming to that, the next thing I want to address is how do you expand the bottom right hand box, which is unknown to self and unknown to other. Well by doing the former, that will help, of course. However, the best way to become aware of that area is to expose yourself to new experiences, go and spend some time as a volunteer, or take a sabbatical and travel the world, do things that are the opposite of the things you think you enjoy and notice the impact on you and your energy when you do. So, if you like to be warm and dry, put yourself in a situation where you are wet and cold, see which version of yourself shows up then, are you still resourceful when you are wet and cold or do you turn into scarey-eyed bread knife monster??? (I am of course, referring to your Gremlin when I say that).
I'm serious, how can you ever know what your true capacity is until you get outside your comfort zone and see what happens when you are stretched. Of course, you could get a Coach or go on a Leadership training programme and it can be easier than that too.
I remember when I volunteered for the Olympics and Paralympics, I basically didn't have a clue what I was doing, having never worked at a major sporting event before. Yet, I'd loved sport all my life and I worked with people all my life, so how hard would it be to bring the two of them together. I walked 100's of miles in those 4 weeks, worked every day bar 3, was exhausted and totally and completely fulfilled. I loved every minute of it, even when people shouted at me (and that happened a few times) and I learned from it and didn't take it personally.
So, what does this have to do with range?
Well, the more access you have to your full emotional range, the more you can experience life, and the more people you can interact with. When people first start to become aware of their values they can take a perspective on them which is one of 'my values are right and yours are wrong, because yours are different than mine'. The reality is of course, that no values are wrong, they are just different. So, how do you take a stand for your values when people around you do not share the same values? The more you can do that, in different circumstances the more you can increase your range.
How do you keep hold of yourself on the 'inside' when you are surrounded by chaos? Or don't you?
The key to expanding your range is being willing to get outside your comfort zone to explore the zone of your unleashed potential, and to keep hold of yourself in the process.
How are you expanding your range? What is your impact? What do you want your impact to be?
Enjoy the exploration.
Rx
How big is your range as a human being?
How do you measure it?
You might of heard of the Johari Window, this is a simple model to think of how to expand your range. See below.....
Joharis Window
The
Johari Window was developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram, with the
idea that
through disclosure and feedback, individuals can learn more about
themselves
and build trust between themselves and others, improving their
relationships
and ability to work well together.
In
a supportive environment, using the Johari Window can be a good way to
get
feedback from others to enhance your understanding of yourself and how
other
people perceive you.
The Johari Window model is a four quadrant grid that looks like this
Each
of
these quadrants would contain personal information about you. The
smaller the unknown quadrant, the higher your level of personal
awareness.
The Open Area is the
information about your feelings or motivation or capabilities that you know
about and others also know about.
The Blind Area represents your
blind spots. To open up this area, you need to obtain feedback. This feedback
will relate to both your strengths and weaknesses from other people’s
perspectives.
The Hidden Area represents the
things you know about yourself
which others do not know. Some of this information, you may keep to
yourself, some you may wish to share especially if you want to persuade someone
that you have capabilities they are not aware of.
The Unknown Area is the area
that is both unknown to you and to others. It may be a skill or a quality you
and others we quite unaware you had - it emerges as your experiences increase
and may be something you discover yourself or something you discover about
yourself with others.
- See more at:
http://www.mystepto.com/article.php?section=know-your-capabilities&subsection=assessing-yourself&article=joharis-window#sthash.tfxfuMXh.dpufJoharis Window
The
Johari Window was developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram, with the
idea that
through disclosure and feedback, individuals can learn more about
themselves
and build trust between themselves and others, improving their
relationships
and ability to work well together.
In
a supportive environment, using the Johari Window can be a good way to
get
feedback from others to enhance your understanding of yourself and how
other
people perceive you.
The Johari Window model is a four quadrant grid that looks like this
Each
of
these quadrants would contain personal information about you. The
smaller the unknown quadrant, the higher your level of personal
awareness.
The Open Area is the
information about your feelings or motivation or capabilities that you know
about and others also know about.
The Blind Area represents your
blind spots. To open up this area, you need to obtain feedback. This feedback
will relate to both your strengths and weaknesses from other people’s
perspectives.
The Hidden Area represents the
things you know about yourself
which others do not know. Some of this information, you may keep to
yourself, some you may wish to share especially if you want to persuade someone
that you have capabilities they are not aware of.
The Unknown Area is the area
that is both unknown to you and to others. It may be a skill or a quality you
and others we quite unaware you had - it emerges as your experiences increase
and may be something you discover yourself or something you discover about
yourself with others.
- See more at:
http://www.mystepto.com/article.php?section=know-your-capabilities&subsection=assessing-yourself&article=joharis-window#sthash.tfxfuMXh.dpuf So as an explanation we will start with the simple top left hand section first. The known to self and others. The more you ask for feedback (or feed forward as I like to call it). Questions like where do I excel and what could I do to have more impact? the more you will expand the pane that is unknown to self. The second way to expand that section is to disclose more of 'who you are' to others, and you can do that by being more vulnerable or just knowing and living by your Values. Energetically, you will evoke the field around you and it will be clear to people 'who you are' and 'what you stand for'. I've talked before in my blogs about having conscious intentional impact and this would be a place to check in with people. This is what I intended, am I having this impact?
So, what does all of this have to do with range?
I'm coming to that, the next thing I want to address is how do you expand the bottom right hand box, which is unknown to self and unknown to other. Well by doing the former, that will help, of course. However, the best way to become aware of that area is to expose yourself to new experiences, go and spend some time as a volunteer, or take a sabbatical and travel the world, do things that are the opposite of the things you think you enjoy and notice the impact on you and your energy when you do. So, if you like to be warm and dry, put yourself in a situation where you are wet and cold, see which version of yourself shows up then, are you still resourceful when you are wet and cold or do you turn into scarey-eyed bread knife monster??? (I am of course, referring to your Gremlin when I say that).
I'm serious, how can you ever know what your true capacity is until you get outside your comfort zone and see what happens when you are stretched. Of course, you could get a Coach or go on a Leadership training programme and it can be easier than that too.
I remember when I volunteered for the Olympics and Paralympics, I basically didn't have a clue what I was doing, having never worked at a major sporting event before. Yet, I'd loved sport all my life and I worked with people all my life, so how hard would it be to bring the two of them together. I walked 100's of miles in those 4 weeks, worked every day bar 3, was exhausted and totally and completely fulfilled. I loved every minute of it, even when people shouted at me (and that happened a few times) and I learned from it and didn't take it personally.
So, what does this have to do with range?
Well, the more access you have to your full emotional range, the more you can experience life, and the more people you can interact with. When people first start to become aware of their values they can take a perspective on them which is one of 'my values are right and yours are wrong, because yours are different than mine'. The reality is of course, that no values are wrong, they are just different. So, how do you take a stand for your values when people around you do not share the same values? The more you can do that, in different circumstances the more you can increase your range.
How do you keep hold of yourself on the 'inside' when you are surrounded by chaos? Or don't you?
The key to expanding your range is being willing to get outside your comfort zone to explore the zone of your unleashed potential, and to keep hold of yourself in the process.
How are you expanding your range? What is your impact? What do you want your impact to be?
Enjoy the exploration.
Rx
Tuesday 8 April 2014
Conscious II and the 'ripples' we create.....
So, picking up from where I left off....
In order to have any idea of the ripples we are sending out we need to be conscious to what perspective we are in at any given time. Are you aware of the perspective you are in? Or do you just dive out of bed every morning and let the world get hold of you on the outside before you have gotten hold of yourself on the inside?
Most leaders in life have some kind of daily practice that helps them to get centered and grounded and intentional about their day, that is, before they jump into the doing of every day life. I know for me personally it took me 10 years of personal development (moving towards consciousness) and 2 years of solid commitment to practice every day in order to have any chance of being conscious and aware of my ripples.
Of course, the art is not to try hard at being conscious all of the time, the art is to notice when you have drifted off and just bring yourself back (or more puppy training as I referred to it in the last blog).
Are you living you life in a 'life affirming' way? with good intentions and trusting that (although you might not like everything it deals out) life is unfolding just the way it is meant to. Life is just perfect as it is and we should avoid at all costs, being a perfectionist! That was what one of my teachers used to say to me....
So, lets start with Self,
What is your attitude towards yourself?
Are you kind and considerate of your feelings?
Do you nurture yourself?
Are you 'fair' in your internal dialogue?
Are you life affirming in your dealings with yourself?
Are you aware of your value system and the things that are important to you?
Do you have a vision of the life that you are creating for yourself?
Do you know what your purpose is?
Do you have goals that helping you to take steps towards it?
Do you know how to be in relationship with yourself and others?
Are you able to be present to the now and experience life in each moment?
Is the answer yes or no to these questions?
If yes, I'd imagine that life feels exciting and alive and that you can't wait to get out of bed in the morning. Your ripples will be positive and you'll generally be a joy to be around, you will be balanced in your work and life and you will work to live rather than the other way around.
You'll be in internally validated and you'll be playing to win. Although you may not win all the time you will not focus on your failures, you will take time to reflect and contemplate them, you will take the learning and you will put it in your pocket and move on, making sure that you appreciate the experiences and use the learning moving forwards.
You do not dwell on the past and regret things you can not change, you do not make bad things up about the future and frighten yourself to death based upon something you just 'made up'. You do not try and control others, you are not compliant either and you do not isolate yourself or separate yourself from others. This would mean you are externally validated and are 'playing not to lose'.
What ripples are you sending out to the world, just by how you are being in relationship with yourself. Are they positive, life affirming ripples of contentment and confidence that make others feel safe in your company?
Or are the ripples or command and control that feed your ego and make people feel threatened and insecure around you? Are the ripples of dependency and insecurity where you ask for more than you need because you do not trust yourself or those around you?
How is your relationship with yourself and what ripples does it send out to those around you?
Enjoy being curious? and be kind to yourself at the same time... no matter what you find.
In order to have any idea of the ripples we are sending out we need to be conscious to what perspective we are in at any given time. Are you aware of the perspective you are in? Or do you just dive out of bed every morning and let the world get hold of you on the outside before you have gotten hold of yourself on the inside?
Most leaders in life have some kind of daily practice that helps them to get centered and grounded and intentional about their day, that is, before they jump into the doing of every day life. I know for me personally it took me 10 years of personal development (moving towards consciousness) and 2 years of solid commitment to practice every day in order to have any chance of being conscious and aware of my ripples.
Of course, the art is not to try hard at being conscious all of the time, the art is to notice when you have drifted off and just bring yourself back (or more puppy training as I referred to it in the last blog).
Are you living you life in a 'life affirming' way? with good intentions and trusting that (although you might not like everything it deals out) life is unfolding just the way it is meant to. Life is just perfect as it is and we should avoid at all costs, being a perfectionist! That was what one of my teachers used to say to me....
So, lets start with Self,
What is your attitude towards yourself?
Are you kind and considerate of your feelings?
Do you nurture yourself?
Are you 'fair' in your internal dialogue?
Are you life affirming in your dealings with yourself?
Are you aware of your value system and the things that are important to you?
Do you have a vision of the life that you are creating for yourself?
Do you know what your purpose is?
Do you have goals that helping you to take steps towards it?
Do you know how to be in relationship with yourself and others?
Are you able to be present to the now and experience life in each moment?
Is the answer yes or no to these questions?
If yes, I'd imagine that life feels exciting and alive and that you can't wait to get out of bed in the morning. Your ripples will be positive and you'll generally be a joy to be around, you will be balanced in your work and life and you will work to live rather than the other way around.
You'll be in internally validated and you'll be playing to win. Although you may not win all the time you will not focus on your failures, you will take time to reflect and contemplate them, you will take the learning and you will put it in your pocket and move on, making sure that you appreciate the experiences and use the learning moving forwards.
You do not dwell on the past and regret things you can not change, you do not make bad things up about the future and frighten yourself to death based upon something you just 'made up'. You do not try and control others, you are not compliant either and you do not isolate yourself or separate yourself from others. This would mean you are externally validated and are 'playing not to lose'.
What ripples are you sending out to the world, just by how you are being in relationship with yourself. Are they positive, life affirming ripples of contentment and confidence that make others feel safe in your company?
Or are the ripples or command and control that feed your ego and make people feel threatened and insecure around you? Are the ripples of dependency and insecurity where you ask for more than you need because you do not trust yourself or those around you?
How is your relationship with yourself and what ripples does it send out to those around you?
Enjoy being curious? and be kind to yourself at the same time... no matter what you find.
Sunday 30 March 2014
Consciousness and the 'Ripples' we send out
It's about ripples....
Imagine a large lake with clear still water and imagine you are standing on the bank, you pick up a stone and throw it into the center of the lake and then, with a 'plop' the stone lands in the center and disappears, yet the ripples it sends out are there for some time once the stone is gone. I believe our ripples last long after we are gone too!
I believe we are all, always sending out ripples, I know I am and I know sometimes that I forget especially when I got back to habitual motion or when I go unconscious. Just a little 'side bar' for a moment, I was just reminded of a beautiful metaphor that I stole from my Sister.... It goes like this...
When we start this work of consciousness our brains are like a puppy, they wander off all over the place and all we have to do is to notice that we have wandered off and bring ourselves back. I giggle all the time about this metaphor as often my puppy has broken free and is off in the distance somewhere... rather than running hard to catch it, I have to simply remember that I can call it back and it will come - that usually entails a couple of deep breaths and centering of my energy.
How are you guys doing with your 'puppy' training?
Anyway, back to ripples, energetic ripples, what ripples are you sending out? I know for myself, I have not always being conscious about them, what I also know is there are more ripples than we think. There are the situational ripples which of course are important and there are the ripples of how you live your life. Are you living your life in a life-affirming way, for the good of humanity, yourself, your relationships, your workmates, your colleagues, your community, your world?
Are you even conscious of the ripples you are sending out? So, lets explore some scenarios, my other favorite (other than the puppy metaphor) analogy of the moment is the one of the Drama or Tricksters Triangle. You see it in every fairy story and most films and the roles are that of, the Victim, Villain and the Hero and by the way NONE of these roles are positive roles to play in life or work and yet we all do play them and most of the time unconsciously.
The next thing to say is you may not even know you are being cast in any of these roles, because other people put us in them, and also we normally do have a favoured role that we step into. So, to explain further; the Victim's perspective is, it's not my fault, I can't change anything, it's being done to me and it keeps happening - I have no power! The Victim, creates the Villain - the person who is doing 'it' to them, more often than not, this Villain is an Organisation, you know its 'them'. Similarly, the Victim also wants to be rescued, so they will always cast someone else in the Hero role, this is the one who gets parachuted in to fix the problem (or to feed their Ego), when we do this, when we play the role of the Hero we ensure that their are plenty of Victims around for us to Rescue, and where there is a Victim there is always a Villain.
So, the place to look is, which is your most common or favoured role? Where do you step into the triangle? and who do you cast in the other roles? Also pay attention to who casts you in certain roles, as a people manager or a specialist you can often be looked to as the Hero. The thing is that Hero's don't empower people, they dis-empower them. Oh and one other thing is that these roles do not stay the same for long, because more often than not we step into these roles in order to place blame or be defensive and the minute we do that, we become the Villain or the Victim!
So, the point is, the only way to get out of the Triangle is to be conscious (get puppy training!) and to see what is happening, in your family system, at work, in your community - in any relationship! Once you are conscious, then it is all about asking yourself ; What is needed for the sake of the bigger picture? For the growth of the employee; for the desired outcome of the project; to improve Customer Satisfaction....
I'll come back to ripples on another blog as this is a longer post than I had planned. Start to get that 'puppy training', start to notice where you go unconscious.... and find a way to bring yourself back and once you are back, start to pay attention to where you see the Drama or Tricksters triangle play out in your life.... It can be fun to notice it, and be aware the hardest role to step out of is the Hero! and that's because our Ego loves to be the Hero!
Imagine a large lake with clear still water and imagine you are standing on the bank, you pick up a stone and throw it into the center of the lake and then, with a 'plop' the stone lands in the center and disappears, yet the ripples it sends out are there for some time once the stone is gone. I believe our ripples last long after we are gone too!
I believe we are all, always sending out ripples, I know I am and I know sometimes that I forget especially when I got back to habitual motion or when I go unconscious. Just a little 'side bar' for a moment, I was just reminded of a beautiful metaphor that I stole from my Sister.... It goes like this...
When we start this work of consciousness our brains are like a puppy, they wander off all over the place and all we have to do is to notice that we have wandered off and bring ourselves back. I giggle all the time about this metaphor as often my puppy has broken free and is off in the distance somewhere... rather than running hard to catch it, I have to simply remember that I can call it back and it will come - that usually entails a couple of deep breaths and centering of my energy.
How are you guys doing with your 'puppy' training?
Anyway, back to ripples, energetic ripples, what ripples are you sending out? I know for myself, I have not always being conscious about them, what I also know is there are more ripples than we think. There are the situational ripples which of course are important and there are the ripples of how you live your life. Are you living your life in a life-affirming way, for the good of humanity, yourself, your relationships, your workmates, your colleagues, your community, your world?
Are you even conscious of the ripples you are sending out? So, lets explore some scenarios, my other favorite (other than the puppy metaphor) analogy of the moment is the one of the Drama or Tricksters Triangle. You see it in every fairy story and most films and the roles are that of, the Victim, Villain and the Hero and by the way NONE of these roles are positive roles to play in life or work and yet we all do play them and most of the time unconsciously.
The next thing to say is you may not even know you are being cast in any of these roles, because other people put us in them, and also we normally do have a favoured role that we step into. So, to explain further; the Victim's perspective is, it's not my fault, I can't change anything, it's being done to me and it keeps happening - I have no power! The Victim, creates the Villain - the person who is doing 'it' to them, more often than not, this Villain is an Organisation, you know its 'them'. Similarly, the Victim also wants to be rescued, so they will always cast someone else in the Hero role, this is the one who gets parachuted in to fix the problem (or to feed their Ego), when we do this, when we play the role of the Hero we ensure that their are plenty of Victims around for us to Rescue, and where there is a Victim there is always a Villain.
So, the place to look is, which is your most common or favoured role? Where do you step into the triangle? and who do you cast in the other roles? Also pay attention to who casts you in certain roles, as a people manager or a specialist you can often be looked to as the Hero. The thing is that Hero's don't empower people, they dis-empower them. Oh and one other thing is that these roles do not stay the same for long, because more often than not we step into these roles in order to place blame or be defensive and the minute we do that, we become the Villain or the Victim!
So, the point is, the only way to get out of the Triangle is to be conscious (get puppy training!) and to see what is happening, in your family system, at work, in your community - in any relationship! Once you are conscious, then it is all about asking yourself ; What is needed for the sake of the bigger picture? For the growth of the employee; for the desired outcome of the project; to improve Customer Satisfaction....
I'll come back to ripples on another blog as this is a longer post than I had planned. Start to get that 'puppy training', start to notice where you go unconscious.... and find a way to bring yourself back and once you are back, start to pay attention to where you see the Drama or Tricksters triangle play out in your life.... It can be fun to notice it, and be aware the hardest role to step out of is the Hero! and that's because our Ego loves to be the Hero!
Friday 6 December 2013
Madiba - How one man changed the world......
I have been surprised at the impact Nelson Mandela's death has had on me. I have been in tears many, many times since I heard the news. One part of me was so happy for him that he is now at peace and resting in the quiet and another part of me longs for him to still be here to hold the reconciliation that he fought so strongly for. I also realise as I write that this man changed me, changed me personally, he gave me the belief that one person can make a difference, that when you stick to your values and are willing to 'fight' for what is 'right' you can, and will have an impact in the world.
I was with a Coaching client this morning at 8am and what surprised both of us is that I needed to speak my sadness at the loss of Madiba before I could continue with the call. I was in tears! I said I had been thinking, would I be willing to go to prison for all those years in order to take a stand for what I believed in, my initial reaction was, no, I'm not sure I would. Then I remembered that he was actually taking a stand for his children and his grand children, he was determined that they would not have to live a life of in-equality and that was what he fought for. Am I willing to take a stand for that, YES, do I have children of my own to fight for? NO, are there generations of other people's kids that are worth fighting for, god damn it YES..... I often say to my Coaches in training - I want to thank you from the children of your clients, because that is the work you are choosing to do, to change and shift the generations to come.
So, for me Madiba took a stand for his people, all of us, not just the black people who of course were being treated very badly, but he took a stand for all of us, for the wholeness that comes from being inclusive, from appreciating everyone and everything in life. We might not like everything and everyone and there is always something to appreciate.
For me Nelson Mandela stands for Freedom, for Life, for Change and for humanity. I feel in deep appreciation that I was alive at a time where I could be influenced by such a huge figure and one who carried himself with such humility. I remember reading 'long walk to freedom' over 20 years ago and being staggered by the fact that having completed his BA, he had no idea of his own personal history or that of his tribe. This experience made me think deeply about my life and my history and the footprints I want to leave behind me for others to walk in.
Madiba you are an inspiration, you are the definition of Leadership and you model a beautiful mix of 'generative power' and 'generative love' to the people. A hearty mix that changes the world. See Adam Kahne's book 'Power and love' for the definition. I felt the urge to write today, I'm glad I took the time to put finger to keyboard. May the world send loving energy to Madiba so that his transition from his human overcoat to that of his spirit be easy and flowing, so that he continues to inspire and motivate us.
Thank you Nelson Mandela. Tata Madiba!
These are my words
Rx
I was with a Coaching client this morning at 8am and what surprised both of us is that I needed to speak my sadness at the loss of Madiba before I could continue with the call. I was in tears! I said I had been thinking, would I be willing to go to prison for all those years in order to take a stand for what I believed in, my initial reaction was, no, I'm not sure I would. Then I remembered that he was actually taking a stand for his children and his grand children, he was determined that they would not have to live a life of in-equality and that was what he fought for. Am I willing to take a stand for that, YES, do I have children of my own to fight for? NO, are there generations of other people's kids that are worth fighting for, god damn it YES..... I often say to my Coaches in training - I want to thank you from the children of your clients, because that is the work you are choosing to do, to change and shift the generations to come.
So, for me Madiba took a stand for his people, all of us, not just the black people who of course were being treated very badly, but he took a stand for all of us, for the wholeness that comes from being inclusive, from appreciating everyone and everything in life. We might not like everything and everyone and there is always something to appreciate.
For me Nelson Mandela stands for Freedom, for Life, for Change and for humanity. I feel in deep appreciation that I was alive at a time where I could be influenced by such a huge figure and one who carried himself with such humility. I remember reading 'long walk to freedom' over 20 years ago and being staggered by the fact that having completed his BA, he had no idea of his own personal history or that of his tribe. This experience made me think deeply about my life and my history and the footprints I want to leave behind me for others to walk in.
Madiba you are an inspiration, you are the definition of Leadership and you model a beautiful mix of 'generative power' and 'generative love' to the people. A hearty mix that changes the world. See Adam Kahne's book 'Power and love' for the definition. I felt the urge to write today, I'm glad I took the time to put finger to keyboard. May the world send loving energy to Madiba so that his transition from his human overcoat to that of his spirit be easy and flowing, so that he continues to inspire and motivate us.
Thank you Nelson Mandela. Tata Madiba!
These are my words
Rx
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