The journey to Authenticity starts once you've established yourself in the land of self-awareness....

This is where I have been trying to get to for about the last 10 years, to be real and Authentic. I know in my heart and soul that being more of who we are naturally (on the inside) is the key to inner peace and outer success. As I write this, one question that keeps coming up for me is.....
How do you tell people what it feels like, its really hard to explain essence, essence in Systems Coaching terms..... the Systems coaches out there will tell you that essence is so hard to describe because it is exactly that... un-describable. Yeh, so that's the question, how do you tell people about the power of Authenticity when you know, they don't know, what they don't know.

For me Authenticity at the heart and is the heart of personal growth and human development. It takes courage to step into being more of who you are naturally, especially when most of us have allowed our Gremlins to run our lives for most of our time on this planet. Our Gremlins are more worried about what other people will think, and how they will judge us and whether or not we will succeed or fail and if we fail then what will happen....

Imagine how it could be if you focused all that wasted energy onto who you are and what you want to create. That is, to focus your energy towards conscious, intentional impact. This is what I mean when I talk about Authenticity.

Authenticity is your capacity to relate to others in an authentic, courageous and high integrity manner. It is a measure of Leadership that is an expression of your true self - not masked by politics, looking good or winning approval etc. It is also a measure of your willingness to bring up the 'un-discussibles' (risky issues that others avoid), you openly deal with relationship problems and share personal feelings and vulnerabilities about situations. Your inner and outer lives are congruent. Your behaviour matches your values and others trust that you can be counted on to keep your word, meet your commitments and deal with them honestly and fairly and remain true to your own purpose. Authenticity and Integrity are the qualities most desired in a leader.

Below are the internal assumptions that create authentic behaviours in people.

The internal assumptions associated with high levels of Authenticity are
- I am worthy whether people approve of me or not, whether I succeed or not
- Self worth, security and freedom and in my own hands
- I maintain my self-esteem and security by being true to myself
- My greatest source of power is my personal integrity (honouring my values)
- It is more important for me to be true to myself than it is to live up to other peoples expectations
- I am OK even if I make mistakes and hurt other peoples feelings
- I authentically admit my part in the problems we face
- The only way I lose face is by not being true to my Vision and Values
- Change starts with me, I must be the change I want to see in the world.

With those internal assumptions the behaviours that I demonstrate are as follows
- Being trusted by others (you make people feel safe)
- Having high personal integrity
- Directly and clearly addressing issues
- Speaking directly to issues without trying to smooth things over
- Acting courageously in personal interactions and meetings
- Respecting others opinions even if you disagree with it
- Staying open and honest about what you think and feel (even when you feel under attack)
- Managing conflict directly and openly with authenticity
- Surfacing issues that others are reluctant to talk about
- Speaking openly and confronting peers and authority when needed
- Being counted on to meet your commitments
- Exhibiting behaviour that is consistent with your Values
- Living your vision even when it involves taking risks
- Taking responsibility for your part in relationship issues

Where do you walk your talk?
Where do you struggle?
What happens when you are faced with inauthentic people?
How do you respond?
What is your role?
What is the value to you personally of being more of who you are naturally?
My Mantra is by being more of who I am naturally 'I can have more impact with less effort', that doesn't mean it is easy to undo the habits of the past.
What habits do you have left over from the past that no longer serve your vision of the future and the values you want to live your life by today?

Being Heard

So this is interesting, because as I write this blog for the first time I don't even know if I can publish it. Given the topic about being heard its interesting to think that these words may not get heard and I will continue anyway.

Have you ever been in a situation where you think you really articulated things really well to someone else, and then days, weeks or even months later they had a completely different understanding than you of the situation and on what was said?

That's where I find myself over the last couple of months, the content is not important, what is important is that I am learning there is a time when I loose my voice, when I am unable to speak my truth and when I withdrawn from communication.

Right now, I know I don't understand what is going on, so I am not trying to. I am staying with the feeling (which is one of confusion) and seeing what unfolds for me.

Its hard not to notice when clients bring their topics to me which reflect what is going on in my life and I do believe that Coaches and Clients are attracted for the sake of both their learning. More on this in a later blog.

So, when more than one of my clients talk to me about feeling judged and criticised and feeling like they must do anything to stop this happening. I can relate to that. Of course, this was how I lived my life for many years, not feeling good enough and wanting to do everything in my power not to get found out..... my God that seems like a lifetime ago and yet it was no more than 3 years ago.

I'm also reminded of how my loved ones didn't know how to communicate with me, without shouting or worse and so there were very long periods of silence. Long periods of being ignored or worse spoken to in a way you wouldn't speak to your worst enemy.... withdrawal, that was what I was trained to do, ignore and put up or shut up!

So, How do I find my voice again, well in some really simple ways. I'm learning to sing, I love to sing out loud and I do it all the time now but nothing beats Choir practice on a Tuesday night, I sing out with out fear of anything, Wrong and Strong as our teacher encourages - its so much fun.
So that is one way, another, I just realised is to learn a new language and to have more people hear me, to practice with others some better, some worse and not to be attached to getting it right.

Now here is the core of the learning for me - I loose my voice when I can't find the other person right.... (What this means in English is, if I believe the other person is in the wrong then I find it hard to articulate what goes on for me.... What I am learning as a write this posting is that, its not that I loose my voice, I do try and try and try again and then when I fail to be understood, it is then that I just give up and walk away! I'm sure there is more to come....) Delete inset.....

So the learning for me upon reflection of this topic is not that I find the other person wrong, the learning for me is that, when I have exhausted all my communication tools and still I am not being engaged with - it is then that I don't know how to proceed, it is then that I give up.
So, if I feel that the other person is not engaging with me, or if they withdraw from the dialogue or I feel criticised or Blamed, it is then that I find it hard to engage back. What do you say to someone who doesn't want to listen to you and who withdraws or disengages with you? I know I have a real desire to be understood and I also know that to be understood, there has to be a person who wants to understand.....