Top 5 Regrets....

Top Five Regrets, a colleague sent this to me today and I thought I would share it with you all ......

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.

Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the
life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply
regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a
work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may
initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
Choose happiness.

Noticing where you are directing your energy....

At this stage you will know that I am a great lover of putting my energy into what I want to create. It is also true that we get trained to put our energy into reacting to circumstances. One study that was completed with 4 and 5 year old children recorded their interactions and found that 85% of the time they were either being told not to do something or being told off for doing something wrong! We really do get conditioned to react and respond to circumstances others create.

So here is a place to look to see where your energy is going..... you have to choose one of each of the following preferences.... ready??

I prefer to be liked or I prefer to be respected.
I prefer to be in control or I prefer to take charge.
I prefer to be the expert or I prefer new experiences.
I prefer not to show emotion or I prefer to express my emotion.
I prefer to keep people at a distance or I prefer to be open to people.

The former preferences are 'reactive' behaviours, the latter are 'creative' in Leadership Circle terms. Notice as you put your energy into your preferences, and know that every day you are creating your future. How do these preferences support you in creating the future you want?

Do you want to try out some new preferences or maybe even start with an inquiry around one or two of them... explore the inquiry from every role you play in your life. Lets say you choose
'I prefer to be respected', then the inquiry you would consider is 'What is it to be respected?'. There is no right answer, only your answer. What would you be doing differently, how would you show up differently, how would people be treating you, how would it feel?


Another way to look at where you are putting your energy is to use the Wheel of Life.

Check out the following Wheel ... and ask yourself which is the most important section to you?

Personal Growth
Career
Money
Physical Environment
Friends & Family
Romance or Partner
Fun & Recreation
Health

Now, ask yourself where is most of your energy going?
You can also look at which is least important to you and how much energy you are putting into that? Have it be simple use a scale of 1-10.
How are you doing in terms of Return on Investment?

So, those preferences may have been true 'up until now' and today is the start of the rest of your life. Today you can choose something different - how exciting!
What preferences or areas of your life will you choose to put your energy into today?

Have fun playing with this and enjoy the holiday season!