What is it to expand your range and why does it matter?

In Leadership training and Coaching we talk a lot about expanding our range.  In this blog I'm going to explore, what's important about that? what does it give us? and why does it matter?


How big is your range as a human being?
How do you measure it?
You might of heard of the Johari Window, this is a simple model to think of how to expand your range.  See below.....

Joharis Window

The Johari Window was developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram, with the idea that through disclosure and feedback, individuals can learn more about themselves and build trust between themselves and others, improving their relationships and ability to work well together.

In a supportive environment, using the Johari Window can be a good way to get feedback from others to enhance your understanding of yourself and how other people perceive you.

The Johari Window model is a four quadrant grid that looks like this

 Each of these quadrants would contain personal information about you. The smaller the unknown quadrant, the higher your level of personal awareness.

The Open Area is the information about your feelings or motivation or capabilities that you know about and others also know about.

The Blind Area represents your blind spots. To open up this area, you need to obtain feedback. This feedback will relate to both your strengths and weaknesses from other people’s perspectives.

The Hidden Area represents the things you know about yourself  which others do not know. Some of this information, you may keep to yourself, some you may wish to share especially if you want to persuade someone that you have capabilities they are not aware of.

The Unknown Area is the area that is both unknown to you and to others. It may be a skill or a quality you and others we quite unaware you had - it emerges as your experiences increase and may be something you discover yourself or something you discover about yourself with others.

- See more at: http://www.mystepto.com/article.php?section=know-your-capabilities&subsection=assessing-yourself&article=joharis-window#sthash.tfxfuMXh.dpuf

Joharis Window

The Johari Window was developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram, with the idea that through disclosure and feedback, individuals can learn more about themselves and build trust between themselves and others, improving their relationships and ability to work well together.

In a supportive environment, using the Johari Window can be a good way to get feedback from others to enhance your understanding of yourself and how other people perceive you.

The Johari Window model is a four quadrant grid that looks like this

 Each of these quadrants would contain personal information about you. The smaller the unknown quadrant, the higher your level of personal awareness.

The Open Area is the information about your feelings or motivation or capabilities that you know about and others also know about.

The Blind Area represents your blind spots. To open up this area, you need to obtain feedback. This feedback will relate to both your strengths and weaknesses from other people’s perspectives.

The Hidden Area represents the things you know about yourself  which others do not know. Some of this information, you may keep to yourself, some you may wish to share especially if you want to persuade someone that you have capabilities they are not aware of.

The Unknown Area is the area that is both unknown to you and to others. It may be a skill or a quality you and others we quite unaware you had - it emerges as your experiences increase and may be something you discover yourself or something you discover about yourself with others.

- See more at: http://www.mystepto.com/article.php?section=know-your-capabilities&subsection=assessing-yourself&article=joharis-window#sthash.tfxfuMXh.dpuf

 So as an explanation we will start with the simple top left hand section first.  The known to self and others.  The more you ask for feedback (or feed forward as I like to call it). Questions like where do I excel and what could I do to have more impact? the more you will expand the pane that is unknown to self.  The second way to expand that section is to disclose more of 'who you are' to others, and you can do that by being more vulnerable or just knowing and living by your Values.  Energetically, you will evoke the field around you and it will be clear to people 'who you are' and 'what you stand for'. I've talked before in my blogs about having conscious intentional impact and this would be a place to check in with people.  This is what I intended, am I having this impact? 

So, what does all of this have to do with range?
I'm coming to that, the next thing I want to address is how do you expand the bottom right hand box, which is unknown to self and unknown to other.  Well by doing the former, that will help, of course.  However, the best way to become aware of that area is to expose yourself to new experiences, go and spend some time as a volunteer, or take a sabbatical and travel the world, do things that are the opposite of the things you think you enjoy and notice the impact on you and your energy when you do.  So, if you like to be warm and dry, put yourself in a situation where you are wet and cold, see which version of yourself shows up then, are you still resourceful when you are wet and cold or do you turn into scarey-eyed bread knife monster???  (I am of course, referring to your Gremlin when I say that).

I'm serious, how can you ever know what your true capacity is until you get outside your comfort zone and see what happens when you are stretched.  Of course, you could get a Coach or go on a Leadership training programme and it can be easier than that too. 

I remember when I volunteered for the Olympics and Paralympics, I basically didn't have a clue what I was doing, having never worked at a major sporting event before.  Yet, I'd loved sport all my life and I worked with people all my life, so how hard would it be to bring the two of them together.  I walked 100's of miles in those 4 weeks, worked every day bar 3, was exhausted and totally and completely fulfilled. I loved every minute of it, even when people shouted at me (and that happened a few times) and I learned from it and didn't take it personally.

So, what does this have to do with range?
Well, the more access you have to your full emotional range, the more you can experience life, and the more people you can interact with.  When people first start to become aware of their values they can take a perspective on them which is one of 'my values are right and yours are wrong, because yours are different than mine'.  The reality is of course, that no values are wrong, they are just different.  So, how do you take a stand for your values when people around you do not share the same values?  The more you can do that, in different circumstances the more you can increase your range.
How do you keep hold of yourself on the 'inside' when you are surrounded by chaos?  Or don't you?

The key to expanding your range is being willing to get outside your comfort zone to explore the zone of your unleashed potential, and to keep hold of yourself in the process. 

How are you expanding your range? What is your impact? What do you want your impact to be?
Enjoy the exploration.
Rx

Conscious II and the 'ripples' we create.....

So, picking up from where I left off....

In order to have any idea of the ripples we are sending out we need to be conscious to what perspective we are in at any given time.  Are you aware of the perspective you are in?  Or do you just dive out of bed every morning and let the world get hold of you on the outside before you have gotten hold of yourself on the inside?

Most leaders in life have some kind of daily practice that helps them to get centered and grounded and intentional about their day, that is, before they jump into the doing of every day life.  I know for me personally it took me 10 years of personal development (moving towards consciousness) and 2 years of solid commitment to practice every day in order to have any chance of being conscious and aware of my ripples. 

Of course, the art is not to try hard at being conscious all of the time, the art is to notice when you have drifted off and just bring yourself back (or more puppy training as I referred to it in the last blog).

Are you living you life in a 'life affirming' way? with good intentions and trusting that (although you might not like everything it deals out) life is unfolding just the way it is meant to.  Life is just perfect as it is and we should avoid at all costs, being a perfectionist! That was what one of my teachers used to say to me....

So, lets start with Self,
What is your attitude towards yourself?
Are you kind and considerate of your feelings?
Do you nurture yourself?
Are you 'fair' in your internal dialogue?
Are you life affirming in your dealings with yourself?
Are you aware of your value system and the things that are important to you?
Do you have a vision of the life that you are creating for yourself?
Do you know what your purpose is?
Do you have goals that helping you to take steps towards it?
Do you know how to be in relationship with yourself and others?
Are you able to be present to the now and experience life in each moment?

Is the answer yes or no to these questions?

If yes, I'd imagine that life feels exciting and alive and that you can't wait to get out of bed in the morning. Your ripples will be positive and you'll generally be a joy to be around, you will be balanced in your work and life and you will work to live rather than the other way around.

You'll be in internally validated and you'll be playing to win. Although you may not win all the time you will not focus on your failures, you will take time to reflect and contemplate them, you will take the learning and you will put it in your pocket and move on, making sure that you appreciate the experiences and use the learning moving forwards.

You do not dwell on the past and regret things you can not change, you do not make bad things up about the future and frighten yourself to death based upon something you just 'made up'. You do not try and control others, you are not compliant either and you do not isolate yourself or separate yourself from others.  This would mean you are externally validated and are 'playing not to lose'.

What ripples are you sending out to the world, just by how you are being in relationship with yourself.  Are they positive, life affirming ripples of contentment and confidence that make others feel safe in your company?

Or are the ripples or command and control that feed your ego and make people feel threatened and insecure around you?  Are the ripples of dependency and insecurity where you ask for more than you need because you do not trust yourself or those around you?

How is your relationship with yourself and what ripples does it send out to those around you?

Enjoy being curious?  and be kind to yourself at the same time... no matter what you find.

Consciousness and the 'Ripples' we send out

It's about ripples....

Imagine a large lake with clear still water and imagine you are standing on the bank, you pick up a stone and throw it into the center of the lake and then, with a 'plop' the stone lands in the center and disappears, yet the ripples it sends out are there for some time once the stone is gone.  I believe our ripples last long after we are gone too!

I believe we are all, always sending out ripples, I know I am and I know sometimes that I forget especially when I got back to habitual motion or when I go unconscious.  Just a little 'side bar' for a moment, I was just reminded of a beautiful metaphor that I stole from my Sister....  It goes like this...

When we start this work of consciousness our brains are like a puppy, they wander off all over the place and all we have to do is to notice that we have wandered off and bring ourselves back.  I giggle all the time about this metaphor as often my puppy has broken free and is off in the distance somewhere...  rather than running hard to catch it, I have to simply remember that I can call it back and it will come - that usually entails a couple of deep breaths and centering of my energy. 
How are you guys doing with your 'puppy' training?

Anyway, back to ripples, energetic ripples, what ripples are you sending out?  I know for myself, I have not always being conscious about them, what I also know is there are more ripples than we think. There are the situational ripples which of course are important and there are the ripples of how you live your life.  Are you living your life in a life-affirming way, for the good of humanity, yourself, your relationships, your workmates, your colleagues, your community, your world?

Are you even conscious of the ripples you are sending out?  So, lets explore some scenarios, my other favorite (other than the puppy metaphor) analogy of the moment is the one of the Drama or Tricksters Triangle.  You see it in every fairy story and most films and the roles are that of, the Victim, Villain and the Hero and by the way NONE of these roles are positive roles to play in life or work and yet we all do play them and most of the time unconsciously.

The next thing to say is you may not even know you are being cast in any of these roles, because other people put us in them, and also we normally do have a favoured role that we step into.  So, to explain further; the Victim's perspective is, it's not my fault, I can't change anything, it's being done to me and it keeps happening - I have no power!  The Victim, creates the Villain - the person who is doing 'it' to them, more often than not, this Villain is an Organisation, you know its 'them'.  Similarly, the Victim also wants to be rescued, so they will always cast someone else in the Hero role, this is the one who gets parachuted in to fix the problem (or to feed their Ego), when we do this, when we play the role of the Hero we ensure that their are plenty of Victims around for us to Rescue, and where there is a Victim there is always a Villain. 

So, the place to look is, which is your most common or favoured role? Where do you step into the triangle? and who do you cast in the other roles?  Also pay attention to who casts you in certain roles, as a people manager or a specialist you can often be looked to as the Hero.  The thing is that Hero's don't empower people, they dis-empower them.  Oh and one other thing is that these roles do not stay the same for long, because more often than not we step into these roles in order to place blame or be defensive and the minute we do that, we become the Villain or the Victim!

So, the point is, the only way to get out of the Triangle is to be conscious (get puppy training!) and to see what is happening, in your family system, at work, in your community - in any relationship!  Once you are conscious, then it is all about asking yourself ; What is needed for the sake of the bigger picture?  For the growth of the employee; for the desired outcome of the project; to improve Customer Satisfaction....

I'll come back to ripples on another blog as this is a longer post than I had planned.  Start to get that 'puppy training', start to notice where you go unconscious.... and find a way to bring yourself back and once you are back, start to pay attention to where you see the Drama or Tricksters triangle play out in your life.... It can be fun to notice it, and be aware the hardest role to step out of is the Hero! and that's because our Ego loves to be the Hero!

Madiba - How one man changed the world......

I have been surprised at the impact Nelson Mandela's death has had on me. I have been in tears many, many times since I heard the news.  One part of me was so happy for him that he is now at peace and resting in the quiet and another part of me longs for him to still be here to hold the reconciliation that he fought so strongly for.  I also realise as I write that this man changed me, changed me personally, he gave me the belief that one person can make a difference, that when you stick to your values and are willing to 'fight' for what is 'right' you can, and will have an impact in the world.

I was with a Coaching client this morning at 8am and what surprised both of us is that I needed to speak my sadness at the loss of Madiba before I could continue with the call. I was in tears!  I said I had been thinking, would I be willing to go to prison for all those years in order to take a stand for what I believed in, my initial reaction was, no, I'm not sure I would.  Then I remembered that he was actually taking a stand for his children and his grand children, he was determined that they would not have to live a life of in-equality and that was what he fought for.  Am I willing to take a stand for that, YES, do I have children of my own to fight for? NO, are there generations of other people's kids that are worth fighting for, god damn it YES.....  I often say to my Coaches in training - I want to thank you from the children of your clients, because that is the work you are choosing to do, to change and shift the generations to come.

So, for me Madiba took a stand for his people, all of us, not just the black people who of course were being treated very badly, but he took a stand for all of us, for the wholeness that comes from being inclusive, from appreciating everyone and everything in life.  We might not like everything and everyone and there is always something to appreciate.

For me Nelson Mandela stands for Freedom, for Life, for Change and for humanity.  I feel in deep appreciation that I was alive at a time where I could be influenced by such a huge figure and one who carried himself with such humility.  I remember reading 'long walk to freedom' over 20 years ago and being staggered by the fact that having completed his BA, he had no idea of his own personal history or that of his tribe.  This experience made me think deeply about my life and my history and the footprints I want to leave behind me for others to walk in.

Madiba you are an inspiration, you are the definition of Leadership and you model a beautiful mix of 'generative power' and 'generative love' to the people. A hearty mix that changes the world. See Adam Kahne's book 'Power and love' for the definition.  I felt the urge to write today, I'm glad I took the time to put finger to keyboard.  May the world send loving energy to Madiba so that his transition from his human overcoat to that of his spirit be easy and flowing, so that he continues to inspire and motivate us.

Thank you Nelson Mandela.  Tata Madiba!
These are my words
Rx

The importance of Coaching.....

I was commissioned recently or should I say challenged to write an article on Coaching and why it matters in one side of A4 only.....  this is what I came up with.  Enjoy Rx

The Importance of Coaching……

You will notice by the Title of this piece that we are talking a stand that Coaching is important.

We think it is important because it helps people to grow and we were put on this planet to grow, as human beings that is part of the evolution of the human race, to grow, it’s that simple.

So, how does Coaching make you grow?

Coaching is a journey of self-awareness, it is about being more conscious of who you are, by becoming aware of your value system, that is, the things that inspire and motivate you to live a life of Vitality.  It will also make you aware of  what you stand for, the things that you want to make real in the world, your legacy, the things you are passionate about, therefore helping you to become clearer about your purpose and the direction you want to take your life in.

In addition, to helping you to see who you are and what you stand for, it will also help you understand some of the limiting beliefs that you might have about yourself and about the world and how it works.  These negative energies can have us, either going around in circles or stuck in a place of lots of brain-mind activity.  These are the places were we use lots of thinking energy and can end up taking little or no action.  We refer to these activities as Gremlins or Saboteurs.

Fundamentally, Coaching is about having you step up to be a Leader in your own life; it is about stepping away from victim-hood and into taking charge so that you can create the outcomes you want.  In my experience Coaching is a gateway into personal Leadership and it will allow you to have more impact with less effort in every aspect of your life.

Coaching is also about freeing up energy that one can waste on negative thoughts, judgements or criticisms of yourself and those around you and moving that energy into positive, life affirming ways of being, with yourself, your partner, your family and your work.

Often these days we are ‘trained’ in the art of getting things done and this is indeed very important.  However, one needs to also make sure we are paying attention to who we are being, in the doing.  You know we are Human Beings and not Human Doings!

Coaching will help you to connect with your identity more, help you to trust yourself more and therefore help you to be calmer and more confident in yourself and your abilities.  When one trusts one-self, it gives out an energy that is compelling to others.  You know what it feels like to be in the presence of someone who ‘has presence’ vs someone who does not.

By trusting yourself, understanding your value system and having a view of the purpose and direction you want to take your life in, it will give you clarity, it will help you to decide where to put your energy and how not to waste it.  When you get clear about where to put your energy, it will help you to make more powerful choices about your life and it will help you to be present to the experiences are having, as opposed to regretting the past or making things up about the future, which is what your Gremlin or Saboteur would have you do with your energy.

Coaching will also improve your emotional intelligence and help you to use your energy in more impactful ways. Emotions are just ‘energy in motion’, they are meant to move and flow, and working with a Coach will train you in ways to use your emotions in a powerful, life affirming way; for the benefit of yourself and those around you.

I believe that everyone who wants to be emotionally healthy should have a Coach, it is like hiring a personal trainer.  The bottom line is that Coaching helps you have more impact with less effort. 

What a great Metaphor nature can be......

Just a short post to share a little story with you....

I was gardening a few weeks ago, you know clearing flower pots and preparing for Spring and Summer planting.  I came across a pot which had Lilies in it, and was disappointed to see only one left.
When I looked closer I noticed that actually there were two Lilies in the pot but one of them had got itself caught under the rim of the pot and was growing sideways along the rim at a right angle.

The flower was strong and I could see how hard it had been pushing along that rim in the darkness, desperately looking for the light.  So, I did the best I could to release the flower from being trapped in the rim of the pot, of course, not wanting to damage it in anyway.  I eventually managed to release it, with a lot of care and attention, knowing that I couldn't release it without a few scrapes and scars.

As I look at the flower now, it is strong, twice as strong as the Lily that didn't get caught up and trapped in the rim of the pot.  It has a few scars on its leaves and a bend in its stem which is hardly visible.  I also notice that the new growth is beautiful and green and you would never know it had been trapped for that long, never knowing if it would get released.

I see the flowers starting to form and I know that they will be beautiful and bright and there will not be any sign of the history, that had this plant follow a path that it was never meant to take.

So, as I share this story with you, I am reminded of what a metaphor it is for my own life.  I was trapped for many years, in the belief that we were separate as human beings, in the belief that we are conditioned to compete, and living in a world that is fashioned in a way that people think they have to be significant and in order for that to be true, it has to be at someone else expense!  The belief that we had to separate ourselves in order to be number one and win... In a world where we get trained that wealth equals happiness, in a job that didn't show my talents, in a life that was not fulfilling, not really - I mean on the surface no one knew, except I knew, in my heart that there was more to life than that.

So, I pushed on in the dark, in the paradox of not knowing and really knowing that I could find the light.
Thanks to some very fine Gardeners, you know who you are, I managed to release myself from that trap, to stretch myself and to risk reaching for the light.  I got a few scars along the way, my bruises healed and my core got strong again. 

I found a world where co-operation is key, where we can learn from nature and the universe, after all it has been around a lot longer than we have! The basis of nature is co-operation and democracy, it is within our DNA, it is how we are made.

Nature teaches us to use only what we need, and to leave enough for others to survive, it teaches us that when one plant or animal dominates it usually leads to extinction.  Lets learn from the world around us, that we are living things, who are a part of nature and can collaborate and co-operate with nature and each other to ensure the survival of all.

My life is fulfilled and my direction and purpose is clear, my commitment is strong. Just like the Lily!
Keep your eye out for metaphor's that speak to you.
Rx

How are you doing energetically?....

I meant to post this months ago and never got around to it..... so here we go....

It's a New Year right! Are you full of excitement about the possibility of what this next year will bring?
Are you setting your intentions, in order that you clearly and consciously create the experiences you want to create during 2013.
You know, if new years resolutions alone worked, then us Coaches and Leadership trainers would be out of work.
So, how is it for you? Are you directing your energy into making that resolution become real or will it just sit on the 'shelf' of good ideas along side all the other new years resolutions?  Are they really resolutions or are you just 'in love' with the idea of them?

Here is what I know, I know that as I get older I have to pay attention to my energy levels, they are not what they used to be when I was in my 20's and 30's.  My whole body is changing, and as you all know, our bodies change, at a cellular level every 7 years.  I have just started my 8th cycle of 7 year cycles and I can already tell that this one is different.

For example, my fitness does not last as long as it did. I used to be able to take 3 or 6 months out of the gym with little or no impact, not now my friends, I have to stay 'on it' in order to ensure that I look and feel healthy.  I noticed over Christmas the lbs were starting to creep back on again after a period of about 4 months were I made little or no time available to keep my health and fitness in the forefront of my consciousness.  I knew it was happening, and yet, I allowed other things to become a priority.

Something strange happened when I was out for a run this morning.  I should back track, sorry.  I was inspired by my niece to go for a run with her on 30th Dec.  I'm not a runner, I never have been, I love being out in nature, I'm not even bothered by the rain.  Bottom line is that running and me have never been buddy's.

So, off I went with her and ended up doing to 2 mile run, it didn't kill me and I stopped when I had to (usually going up hill) and it was OK.  I actually felt pretty good when I got back.  So, I have done the same run every morning since then, that is 6 mornings last week.  I feel pretty good about it too.

Anyway, what I noticed on morning of the third run was that, the old Gemlin voices came back, oh! is cold, oh! maybe you could go for a long walk instead! Blah Blah Blah...  What I did was new to me, I just decided to shift that energy, simply move it from my head to my heart, using my breathing (it does take practise) and guess what happened.  My heart-mind said, yes its a beautiful crisp Winters day and your body will love you, even more, if you take it out for that run.  It was magical.

As I was out on my run I noticed how much easier the whole thing felt, and how I was in more of a 'can do' attitude to the whole experience.  Something has shifted in me.  This might not sound like a big deal to any of you, let me tell you that I have tried to like running for the last 30 years and all the time I was self talking, 'just a little further', or 'you can stop when you get to x', on and on the head noise went, until this week when I managed to quiet it down, how much more enjoyable the runs have been.  I have run further and for longer and enjoyed them more..... as I said Magical!

So, if you are like me and want to make some of those intentions for 2013 real, please start to notice where you are putting your energy.  Is it into the excuses of why you shouldn't do the things you have set out to do?
Is your energy in your Brain-mind which talks a lot about what you will do, which makes you an expert having lots and lots of information but actually you never get around to do anything.
Or is it coming from your Heart-mind which knows how to nurture and care for yourself and knows that health and fitness is the key to sustainability and longevity.

I have been physically fit for most of my life and reasonably trim, although I had a big wobble when I hit the menopause for a couple of years.  What I know is that my body and mind respond well to exercise and I am a happier and healthier person when I engage in it. We also know what when we move we shift our energy too and with practice we can shift it by choice.... honestly!

I am also aware that I have just bust wide open my biggest excuse for not exercising when I am away from home. There's no gym for me to go to.... now I don't need a gym!

I guess the other thing I noticed is the before my 'break through' I was doing the running by pure will power, forcing myself to go, now I am doing coming from a place of wanting to run and enjoying it.  I am doing the same thing (running) and yet I am being very different in the doing and it is so much more fun this way!

Where are you getting in your own way?
Where are you saying you want one thing and then doing something else?
Where are you in denial?
Is your energy in your head, creating a lot of noise or head-talk as I like to call it?
What will it take to step up and put your energy firmly into the life you want to create, rather than the one you have?
I believe that anything is possible, you just have to want it enough (I'm not talking about material things) and be willing to make the effort to make it real.  You have to want it enough to use your Will Power to make it happen.
Enjoy exploring, or simply noticing where this resonates with you.
If this doesn't resonate with you, well good for you. I'm in awe!

Bye the way for the record one of my intentions for 2013 is to feel fit and healthy and if I can lose a few pounds along the way, all be better!
Happy New Year everyone Rx